Plan B. Welcome new readers! Is fifty, nifty? Sixty, sexy?
WSG 60 Free styling, I think the 50s are where it's at
Maybe I will start calling my newsletter Plan B because I seem to use it a lot.What? No! I don’t mean the pill for unwanted potential pregnancy! You guys. No! I mean the old fashioned use of the term, “plan B” like, “plan A didn’t work so I guess I’ll go to plan B.” That kind of plan B. Anyhoo. My next Maven is in the middle of a serious bridge tournament and I don’t want to cramp her style. Instead, I am going to do a little “free-style writing” for WSG number 60 and get her interview to you next week. Please read the following question:
Do you have any questions for a high-level bridge player or a social player?
I will be talking to a social bridge player as well so, now is the time to ask!
New readers!
Last week I had an Internet experience, a good one! I was recommended by another Substack writer, Rae Katz of Inner Workings. Thank you, Rae! Inner Workings, Rae’s writing about her life as a former CEO, mother of a toddler with chronic health issues, was featured on Substack Reads. Kudos to her and her well written, poignant, intensely personal work. As a result, Women's Survival Guide collected several hundred new readers!
Welcome, new readers, to my ongoing experiment here at WSG. I want the WSG newsletter to be inspirational, relatable, motivational, and humorous for you. Growth and change are afoot but that doesn’t mean the quirky work that I do will change. No, I think what it means is that readers will become more engaged as new blood with different perspectives join our ranks. It doesn’t matter your age or your sex. We all have women in our lives of all ages, which means a newsletter that is focussing on middle age women is relevant to everyone.
As a new reader here at Women’s Survival Guide, I’d love to hear from you. Tell me why you are here, established readers, too! Please email me: womenssurvivalguide@gmail.com. I could use the feedback. Your honesty and suggestions will make what I do better for you.
I recently redid my Welcome Letter to new subscribers. Now it includes some of WSG’s greatest hits and personal photos! In editing the Welcome Letter, I thought about why I am writing WSG, and what is WSG. See if you agree with me, follow the link.
Onward.
Just thinking…
I am away for a few days seeing family. Being away has freed up some time and a lot of bandwidth in my head to think. Just to think. To lie in a bed or outside and enjoy the luxury of thinking with no particular purpose. This may be a fading art form. We feel lazy if we aren’t doing something or at least thinking of doing something that we are supposed to be doing. But, I find that I do my best thinking lying in bed, eyes open or shut but not moving around. Other good thinking comes from a long walk without listening to anything. I have to carry a pad of paper with me and pen because I have a mind like a sieve. I think and then forget so I write everything down. With WSG, I write and I forget that people read this. It’s like getting changed at night with the shades open. You can’t see anyone looking in but they can see you.
How do you think best? What do you think about?
Here’s something I think about: It doesn’t matter if you’re child-free by choice, or not by choice, married, divorced, single, gay, “straight,” yellow, purple, brown, white, unemployed, employed, short, tall, etc if you’re a woman, we have a lot in common. We are all going through a ton of change that we cannot stop, so we might as well figure out how to best handle it. Or, at least laugh about it. Together.
Reading Women’s Survival Guide, I can’t help you look younger, but I may interview someone who can, like Rose Prieto or Rose Goldblat. I can’t get you to help yourself, but I might reflect on my own personal experiences that spark something in you to laugh (The Crapping!) or do that thing that will make you feel good about yourself.
Another thing…
Did you know I have three college aged daughters? Now, I get to relive my teenage and college years! Just kidding, you couldn’t pay me enough to relive those years as I experienced them the first time. I’m good. I prefer my current life to my teenage and college years. You? What would you relive exactly as it was? What would you change?
I wasn’t a bad teenager or college kid but I, and my buddies drank too much, too often. If there is one thing I’d love to wave a wand at it’s the time wasted due to “fun.” And it wasn’t all fun. I talk to my kids about it. I’m not being sanctimonious. I know what I’m talking about. By my age, I’ve met people who did not feel the need to make it to every party until they caught a terrible cold and had to stay home. So, I shared you mine, now you share me yours….
Or, how about this fun poll?
I like where I am now for the perks. One of the byproducts of being an over 50 year old female is the invisibility cloak. Did you get one? They arrive via post somewhere between the ages of 48-52. I got mine. You get to sneak around like Harry Potter and no one knows where you are. You don’t have to be unseen, but if younger people are near you…well, no one will see you unless you wave. There’s a lot of science in it and I am no scientist. Having my cloak means not having to worry about being “pretty” all the time. This is freedom.
Now don’t get all huffy. You’re gorgeous. But you aren’t 25. And if you’re over 50 you really shouldn’t look 25. That would be weird. And if you’re trying to look that young well, that presents a whole lot of stuff that they have professionals for. No one said it would be easy. We do the best we can with what we’ve got and no one can ask for more. If they do, they are probably the reason for the above bit about needing a professional. But, right now we have some pretty great ingredients to work with: perspective, long relationships, time, experience, the cloak and cat vids. Makes for an interesting ride.
Think about your life phases. Which did you like the best? Are you being honest with yourself? I know I have been happy more than not in life. But, I also know I have been incredibly anxious about the unknown and the future.
When I talk to people in their 80s they pick out the 50s as their favorite decade (closely followed by their 60s) for the following reasons: They still looked pretty good, could still do anything physically, didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant or messing with their periods, and (drum roll, please)… the kids were out of the house. I haven’t asked any 80 year olds without kids what their favorite decade was, but I will.
A walk down memory lane…reminds us why now is probably better than then.
We aren’t in our 20s trying to figure out what we’re going to do for the rest of our lives for work and hoping to meet the love of our life.
We aren’t in our 30s still trying to meet the love of our life and now worrying about having babies, if that was part of your anxiety, as it was mine. We aren’t in our 30s perhaps finally meeting a wonderful person and having babies and juggling a career and realizing it just might not work out. Any part of the afore mentioned might not work out: the marriage, the babies, the career.
For you Millennials out there, news flash: It all works out. Or, it works out differently than you planned and that might not have been a bad thing.
But let’s say it does work out. Then you get to worry about getting the kids into a decent ballet class or soccer team. For 18-month olds. Pre-school admissions for the urban and suburban parents present a myriad of potentially life altering choices (we thought). I’m not even going to go into it. The amount of energy spent and anxiety I experienced regarding early childhood development is embarrassing now. For you Millennials out there, news flash: It all works out. Or, it works out differently than you planned and that might not have been a bad thing. Back to the phases.
We aren’t in our 40s or at least a bunch of us here at WSG aren’t. But to be honest, the 40s were pretty cool. However, we drank more, we still had kid stuff to worry about. And if you were still working full time in an office as a mom and woman, my hat is off to you. How did you do it. I failed in that arena. Also in our 40s marriages can get a little gamey, “7 year itch”, “midlife crisis” and that happens for both men and women. Kids are tween and teens and as older parents we know the potential for disaster and staying up late to pick them up from parties was harder.
Maybe I’m just making this up, but I think the 50s are where it’s at, so far. I’ve gone over the reasons already: perspective, long relationships, time, experience, the cloak and cat vids.
What do you think? Is fifty, nifty? Sixty, sexy? Dit mois.
Thanks for reading…Next week, A bridge maven!
Good Read!! Please check out….Kathleen Sykes’ The Charette…it is so well written and with a kaleidoscope of references. Don’t miss her Weekly Rondo, as well. She reads like the wind and write summaries of her weekly favorites. Click the link above! And click the post below. And click here and click there and clickety clickety click…
XO
Kim
I loved this one! Being in my thirties and unmarried (and maybe a little baby hungry), I REALLLLLLLLLY related to that section.
There is a big article on “middle adulthood” today in the NYTimes. It’s focusing on Millennials but there are some interesting thoughts about so called middle age, how it was perceived in the boomer generation and the differences now.