Eldercare Story 5 The big changes lie ahead
Manageable today, but tomorrow?
WSG 130
This week’s Eldercare story describes one woman’s parents who are independent now, but a diagnosis of Parkinson’s means more daily care is around the corner. What will the grown daughter do?
Her parents live in a different state. Her children are grown. Her husband still works. It’s the “sandwich” we hear about. She is lucky to have siblings who are happy to help. As the only daughter, with grown children, she has spent much more time with her parents this year.
M’s Eldercare Story
My parents are both 82 and have been relatively in very good health. They live in NYC and have an active life. My father has Parkinson's Disease which was diagnosed 5 years ago. The illness has slowly been creeping up on him. I am the oldest of four siblings and the only girl. My care /attention has gone from a passive bystander who has enjoyed the fruits of my parent's hard work to being much more involved in their life. My father has now taken the back seat in many areas of his life (financial affairs, insurance related issues to their three properties, including a lapsed car insurance issue etc...) You get the point! This would never have happened 5 years ago. For example, I stepped in and dealt with the DMV, insurance and inspection. Again, this is not difficult but time consuming and definitely a new role for me.
My parents had a very traditional relationship. my father handled everything and my mother supported him in raising four children. My mother has now become very involved in all things related to their estate financially, something that was not in her wheelhouse. PD is a neurodegenerative disease that affects people differently. Currently, My father's care is all about encouraging him to stay on task with his daily exercises. He needs to walk every day and move his body in some way. He has a trainer 4 days a week and tries to walk daily. When we are together I help by encouraging him to get up and move around, eat higher caloric meals which I will prepare, sneaking cream into his scrambled eggs, extra butter on his toast, and frying up bacon. My visits give my mother a break also from this new role which she has now taken on. He has an alarm on his iphone to remind him when to take his medications. My mother is trying to have him manage his illness and keep him as independent as long as he can .
My three brothers who live closer to my parents are equally involved in their "care" which at this point is pretty minimal. They help with new internet setups, technology related issues to their televisions, phones, computers. One brother is now helping with their finances and becoming more of an advisor to them. We are very lucky that at this point in my parent's/father's care has been of providing moral support, company and encouragement. We are aware that this will probably change in the future but at this point we are enjoying their relative wellbeing and positive attitude towards their new reality. They were very fortunate to have had a full life of a very successful career, travel and health. Moving forward, I do believe that the success of this new chapter of their life lies with their positive attitude and an open dialogue between the 6 of us.
Do you have a parent-care experience or story you would like to share?
Please let me know via email: womenssurvivalguide@gmail.com
ICYMI
HOLIDAY SHOPPORTUNITY!
