My (imaginary) fight with Marie Kondo & Decrapping my closet

Who shrunk my clothes?

It’s spring, and that means it’s time to shift my cold-weather clothing to the top bar in my closet and bring the warmer-weather duds down (requiring a tall step ladder). I usually wait until my husband is out of the house overnight to do this because it’s a shit show in our room for a while … and, it shows how much stuff I have (bought). I also have storage under our bed where I swap the winter sweaters for the spring/summer sweaters.

Did you know these containers also serve as time capsules?

Do you do this? Squirrel away things that serve no purpose and have no place to be other than in a box under your bed? Marie Kondo couldn’t wrestle these keepsakes away from me. Despite decrapping each season, these items remain.

They are the Sophie’s Choice of things from my past: A tiny baby dress that was my mom’s, my first pair of toe shoes, a funny T-shirt with the Taco Bell chihuahua, a pair of jeans from my 20s that I cannot remotely fit into, a pair of jeans from my late 30s that I can fit into and they serve as a barometer of my changing body shape.

Also in a box, neatly folded and out of harm’s way (from my three daughters), a long green Pucci dress. I bought the dress on sale when I lived in New York in the early 90s. I loved the old Pucci store which was on a side street off of Madison Avenue. It was like a chic old aunt’s studio apartment, decorated in deep pink, sweet and approachable. They had great sales.

There is also a tiny red shirt with grey writing from a camp reunion I went to with my Dad in the late 70s. Why do I have this? I don’t know, but it’s just too adorable to throw out. These items are different from the storage in the basement. They are little treats that evoke pleasant thoughts as I rifle through clothing that I should just get rid of. Rifle, rifle, then … tiny single baby sock. It’s true, I am a nostalgic sap.

The small joys of crapola.

But, what about the numerous pairs of jeans we ladies have these days? An environmental disaster, jeans are laced with stretchy plastic that will last forever, heaped in landfills. We may be able to climb Mount Mother someday. But, I love my jeans with lots of give in them. That’s the part of shifting the closet that is cruel: jeans without give.

The process of switching the closets is a huge trigger for dieting and exercising. I know it was for me last night when I tried to button up a chic pair of Re/Done jeans. I do seem to remember that they were “snug” last year. “Did these go through the dryer?” I thought, but this year, they are unwearable.

What to do? If they hadn’t cost so damn much, they would be jettisoned into the giveaway bag. But they did cost so damn much, so I have two options; last year, I had three. Last year I could have worn them uncomfortably, this is no longer an option.

So, option one: hang them up with the other pants and hope to get a stomach flu.

Option two: mentally write off the expense of the jeans and put them in my daughters’ closet, and they might wear them. Marie Kondo is cursing me and screaming: THEY DON’T GIVE YOU JOY, YOU DUMB B_TCH! GET RID OF THEM AND THOSE RATTY OLD BALLET SLIPPERS, TOO, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT! Who knew she was so feisty?

Oh, Marie. Did you throw out the first tooth your child lost along with all the art they made? So cold. In fact, I do not have the stomach to trash all of these things. I am sure a therapist could have a field day with my need to retain things like all my kids' American Girl dolls along with my own box of dolls. Marie would probably slap me. SNAP OUT OF IT! THEY ARE DOLLS AND YOU’RE 56, YOU SAD WOMAN-CHILD! Marie is really tough!

But, I digress. We were meant to be talking about decrapping our closets. Whoops.

It’s easy to decrap my kids’ stuff because it’s crap for the most part. We have been at this for years. Three girls meant a lot of landfill-bound, tiny Brandy Melville items. But, the bulk buying of shorty shorts and tiny T-shirts has pretty much ceased.

The girls have discovered quality. But still, there is a lot of stuff in their rooms, and it’s not hard to put a bag or two together for a closet switchover giveaway.

The concept of quality leads me to my own issue: how do you decrap stuff that isn’t really crap? Even stuff that fits but you don’t wear? I could sell it online! However, I am not sure I need more to do with my time.

What do you think — what do you do with the nicer things you want out of your house?

Ok … I didn’t really get that much done, but at least I thought about it! xo k

Questions:

• When do you change your closets?

• Or, do you have to? Some people have lovely room sized closets versus my vertical situation.

Seen and Heard around the web….

A reader, Djamila, sent in two articles we all need to read!

• How menopause can change a woman’s brain - The Washington Post

• Menopause hormone therapy fears overblown, Women’s Health Initiative finds - The Washington Post