Andrew Morey wsg 11

Women's Survival Guide

This week my family experienced one of life’s cruelties with the sudden loss of a very close friend, Andrew Morey. In Newsletter WSG11, I’m forgoing the planned interview for some introspection, searching and perhaps for some peace. This edition might lean towards the “personal” and it is personal. But, I also think this kind of loss is worth thinking about, whether it’s yours or mine.

The premise of WSG is to present an upbeat look at the world we are living in as grown ups through interviews with women passionate about what they do. But, the past year has been a doozy for so many people it’s hard to pretend otherwise. We all have family and people in our lives. At this age we have experienced different levels of loss. But losing a close friend is different because choose our friends. 

Whether you make friends with someone because your kids are on the pee wee soccer team and they are the only other parent on the field that seems normal or you meet someone at work, or the gym; or in line at the coffee place or dog park. If you build that relationship into a friendship it is by mutual choice. And that is special. 

I am married to a man. And I don’t know about you, but men aren’t known for their multitudes of besties. The men I know tend to have a handful of super close friends, and that’s plenty as far as they are concerned. So, when two men find themselves in a meaningful friendship,  together with their families, it is something to cherish.

A bit about our friend Andrew Morey. Pel, my husband, met Andrew at their health club. He is one of the few people that my husband brought into our world that we did not meet together (honestly? or someone that I brought in). We had also recently moved onto their street and though our kids were at different schools they were the same ages, except for their youngest ( but, she could always keep up) and became great playmates. It was an immediate love fest. Kids, wives, Pel and Andrew. To put it in clear terms: They were the only people we hung out with through ALL of covid. Even in the winter, inside with the windows closed. Yes, I know. That’s saying something.

Covid. I shouldn’t speak for the Moreys, but we never got sick of each other. We always found things to talk about. Like prisoners with long sentences, we dreamed about what we would do when we got outta covid. We planned trips (in theory). Lots of them! Wine tasting. Biking. Warm weather (beach). Cold weather (skiing). With kids. Without kids. Andrew was a planner and we were happy to follow along, grateful for the leadership. We were so lucky. The riches of our friendship we thought we could depend on for many, many years to come.

Now what. Now we need to do some serious growing up. Life isn’t all about plans as it turns out. So, what is it about? Well, if I had to look down at my life and what I left behind on earth and I was Andrew, I’d be pretty proud of myself. He was a model of a dad, a husband and a friend. He could blow his top at his kids, sure (haven’t we all?). But, I’ll bet he was provoked (teenagers). He adored his wife and her (large) family. They chose each other 23 years ago or so and were in it for the long hall. They chose well. Their kids are smart, hardworking, empathetic and thoughtful (beautiful, too). Andrew told you what he thought, he was generous with his time. He was open, honest and kind. He made my husband and kids very happy and feel loved. Me too.

We will still plan trips with the Moreys, and take trips with them. Luckily, we know what Andrew thought about many topics and destinations from our years of fireside or garden chatter. We can enjoy and honor him through our continued friendship with his wife, Carolyn and his kids, Charlotte, Katherine and Elizabeth (and Oliver the dog). With love.

I wrote the following in honor of my husband Pel and Andrew:

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Pel and Andrew

Andrew and Pel

My husband and I lost one of our closest friends this week. Our neighborhood lost it’s unelected mayor. My close friend lost her husband and the father of her children. Suddenly. And we are lost and in shock. 

My husband told me he thought he would grow old with Andrew. I told my husband I thought so too. They planned a lot of the future together. When our nests were empty. 

They skied together, trick or treated together, talked politics together, laughed a lot, together. 

They ate thai food together, they ate sushi together, they grilled stuff together, and laughed some more, together. 

Andrew and my husband shared a bond. Each with three girls, a wife and a dog, living on the same street in Boston. They had a private understanding together as Dads, husbands and men.

They played squash together, planned trips together, walked Chestnut Street together and drank good wine together. 

There was a lot of talking. A lot of laughing. And a lot of love. 

We thought we would grow old together with Andrew and his wife. And his girls and his dog. With my husband and me, his wife. And his girls and his dog. Together. 

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Read about Andrew here

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A recipe you won’t hate: Sour Cream Coffee Cake

Andrew loved to bake, especially late at night, and coffee cake was a favorite. Let’s bake in honor of him.

• For the cake:

• 12 tablespoons (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature

• 1½ cups granulated sugar

• 3 extra-large eggs, at room temperature

• 1½ teaspoons pure vanilla extract

• 1¼ cups sour cream, at room temperature

• 2½ cups cake flour (see note)

• 2 teaspoons baking powder

• ½ teaspoon baking soda

• 1 teaspoon kosher salt

• For the streusel:

• ¼ cup light brown sugar, lightly packed

• ½ cup all-purpose flour

• 1 ½ teaspoons ground cinnamon

• ¼ teaspoon kosher salt

• 3 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, diced

• ¾ cup chopped walnuts or pecans

• For the glaze:

• ½ cup confectioners’ sugar

• 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 10-inch tube pan.

Cream the butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment for 4 to 5 minutes, until light. Add the eggs one at a time, then add the vanilla and sour cream. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. With the mixer on low, add the flour mixture to the batter until just combined. Finish stirring with a spatula to be sure the batter is well mixed.

For the streusel, place the brown sugar, flour, cinnamon, salt, and butter in a bowl and pinch together with your fingers until it forms a crumble. Mix in the walnuts.

Spoon half the batter into the pan and spread it out with a knife. Sprinkle with 3/4 cup streusel. Spoon the rest of the batter in the pan, spread it out, and scatter the remaining streusel on top. Bake for 45 to 55 minutes, until a cake tester comes out clean.

Allow to cool on a wire rack for 30 minutes. Carefully transfer the cake, streusel-side up, onto a serving plate. Whisk the confectioners’ sugar and maple syrup together, adding a few drops of water, if necessary, to make the glaze thick but runny. Drizzle the glaze over the cake with a small spoon. Serve at room temperature.

Notes: If you don’t have cake flour, you can substitute 2¼ cups all-purpose flour plus ¼ cup cornstarch.

If the eggs are cold, place the whole eggs in a bowl of warm water for 5 minutes before cracking them.

Copyright 2001, Barefoot Contessa Parties!, Clarkson Potter/Publishers, All Rights Reserved.

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So that’s all until two weeks from now when I will publish another interview. Take care and hug the ones you love.

K