Watch her unfurl: Katy Wheatley
1st Maven Questionnaire
Welcome to my first Maven Five Questions….or, as I call it: Maven5Q.
I’m asking midlife women of all kinds the same five questions—because why not get curious about how others tick in the same world you’re living in?
The more we know about each other, the better off we all are. You know—empathy. And you can’t exactly waltz up to someone and drop a heavy question on them—
“Excuse me, but what’s the most surprising part of being in this stage of life?”
Not likely to get a lot of audience participation unless you’re handing out freebies and waving a big fluffy podcast mic.
But float the questions gently, give people a little time to think, and you get some real gems—like Katy Wheatley’s answers below.
has worn many hats over the years, but two constants in her life have been writing and reading tarot cards. She began blogging nearly twenty years ago on WordPress and shipped over to Substack three years ago. She’s been reading and teaching tarot for twenty-five years. You can find her life writing on Shenanigans and Stuff and her tarot writing at Odd Good Life, both on Substack.
What is the most surprising part of being in this stage of life?
For me it’s probably how much I am enjoying it. There was a time a few years ago when things were pretty bleak. I was caught being a sandwich carer. My kids were still at home and going through complex and demanding teenage stuff that needed my attention. My dad was very poorly and my parents needed help. I was the most flexible part of the family system and so it largely fell to me to provide support. I found myself in a moment of profound bleakness thinking that this was it now, that I would never be out of the caring space and that my life would not be mine until I was too old and exhausted to do anything with it. It really frightened me. I love my family and I want to be in a position to care for them, but for a long while it was all I did, and I could feel myself getting lost in everyone else’s lives.
For the last two years that burden has gradually shifted and I have been in the fortunate position of being able to do a lot of therapeutic work that has brought me back to myself, and I am actively looking forward to the future now instead of dreading it.
What’s one new thing you’re trying to embrace in mid-life?
Making friends with myself instead of treating myself like an enemy insurgent.
I spent a lot of my life thinking I was probably an alien beamed down to the wrong planet. I didn’t fit in anywhere and I found life intensely problematic. I always put it down to something being wrong with me that I could either fix or exorcise with enough work. I spent a lot of time hating and blaming myself for things and always assuming that whatever my first thought or reaction to something was, that it was fundamentally flawed.
Putting down the cudgels and giving myself permission to be exactly who I am is my jam going forward.
If you could give yourself a piece of advice 20 years ago, what would it be and why?
Saying “No” to things is an act of radical self-compassion. “No” helps preserve your energy. It helps you to establish good boundaries. It allows you to step out of situations in which you are not comfortable. It allows you to understand yourself better. It might feel dangerous, but it is actually the beginning of the road to feeling safe and secure.
What’s something that our generation had access to that you’d like to bring back?
This is tough. There are so many things I took for granted that are not around anymore, or if they are, they are so hard to access. When I was a teenager, there was a real sense of anything being possible in the future. I could go to university without being saddled with tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt. I was not subject to the gig economy when it came to getting work. I knew that I could get on the housing ladder with a bit of effort. I was surrounded by people who were pursuing crazy dreams of making a living out of their passion. There was a space for the arts, music and fashion within the economic structure. There was a sense that social mobility was possible. The NHS (the British health care system) was still largely functional and free at the point of use. We were in the EU, which meant that we could live, work and travel across Europe with no restrictions. Now all that is gone.
I’d like to be greedy and say I’d like all of that back so I don’t have to keep apologising to my children for the absolute dog’s dinner we seem to have made of every, brilliant opportunity we took for granted.
I guess what this is largely about is wanting to bring back a government that, for all its flaws, actually attempted to govern with the best interests of its people at heart instead of lining their pockets with money at the expense of us all.
If the next 20 years of your life had a theme, what would it be and why?
I am aiming for the next twenty years of my life to be rich in love, meaningful human connection and creativity that allows me to expand into the life I want rather than make myself small in the life I thought I deserved.
What do you think of the Maven5Q?
I, for one, would love to have Katy read my cards. She offered—and that’s actually how we met. I’m working on an oracle deck (I started with a tarot set) and slipped a note into Notes asking for advice… and there she was! “Across the pond,” and still able to do a reading.
I love Katy’s writing, and her answers here perfectly reflect her natural voice and honest reflection. Her email address includes “Cheeky Monkey”—and honestly, it fits.
THANK YOU, Katy!
Meet me in the comments-let’s chat!!
Loved reading these answers - inspiring! ✨
Thank you for having me x