The Unbidden Crapping

When the "sandwich" comes with a side of furniture

Unbidden Crapping:

The result of a family member downsizing and transferring lots of stuff to your home. This phenomenon may (will) happen with your parents and your kids, hence “sandwich with a side of furniture.”

Photo by Simone Pellegrini on Unsplash

When people unload their stuff on you it makes them feel a lot better. You? Not so much.

Reactions to an Unbidden Crapping depend heavily on your age. If under thirty five, you are probably psyched to get some decent stuff for once in your life. But if you’re over fifty you already have too much of your own damn stuff that you actually chose or integrated into your home when your grandparents did their Great Unload. In fact, you were just starting to declutter your home, too, in the name of Empty Nesting.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE

I spoke to a friend today who apparently had a large bag of clothing sitting in her dining room from a family member. According to her relative, “This is nice stuff that your kids will want someday.” Her kids are in their early to late twenties. “Someday” has come and gone. How many times have I heard those very words from my own family members, including me, about our “nice stuff?”

I had just dumped a contractor bag full of “nice stuff” from a close family member (my mom) onto my kitchen floor. It had quite the array of goodies: fancy dress gowns (with tags still on), knee skimming linen shorts, satin high heels, cropped cotton cardigans, a Lillie Pulitzer mini skirt, and an insane gray cashmere, sleeveless jumpsuit with gold buttons (I have zero idea how she came to own this beauty but, I would bet my life, my house and anything else that it came from Filene’s Basement).

It occurred to me that all over the world there are women downsizing who need to off-load a lot of stuff. They spent “good” money on the stuff but it hasn’t seen the light of day for decades and is “too nice” to throw out. Guilty!

YOU ARE HER SAVIOR AND DUMPING GROUND

The clothing was either expensive or an “incredible steal.” The price tags on some items increase the guilt she feels about dumping the stuff just anywhere. That is where you come in. If her closet full of stuff gets safely into your home then she can relax, about that at least, because you are level headed and frugal. You would never turn around and just dump her stuff because it’s just “too good” and that would be wasteful and you and your kids are not wasteful, are you.

But, the giant-Ann-Taylor-cream-linen-double-breasted-blazer-with-big-brass-buttons-and-substantial-shoulder-pads-with-a-crest-on-the-breast-pocket is probably not going to be worn by anyone in your home. Neither will the Marc-Jacobs-pant-suit-in-beige-check-with-snap-buttons. Or, the mid calf tweed car coat that looks like Chanel but in colors that aren’t current. And that brings me to the point about an Unbidden Crapping of clothing…most old clothing goes out of style and will never come back.

Sure, a fifties cocktail dress is wearable if it hasn’t disintegrated. Even an 90s Diane Von Furstenburg wrap dress might, and I say might, get recycled by the younger members of your home. But, a woman’s pant suit over five years old is either over or under tailored, shoulder padded, pleated or shortened and in the wrong color compared to the current trends. The same might be said for furniture.

BROWN IS BACK!

The very good news for a lot of us is that “brown” (dark wood) furniture is back in vogue. I called a friend when I opened my Ballard Design catalog and saw, gasp, dark brown options on some pieces! I wonder how long it has been since this was the case?

When I got married a million years ago in 1999 we were given some furniture as gifts: a dining table, a bed and a breakfront. All the items were in dark wood and I still use them. I also have a lot of my Grandmother’s furniture and it too, is in dark wood. Then it all went painfully out of style.

I’ve spent the past twenty years wondering if I should get my furniture painted. Luckily, through lethargy and distraction it never happened. But, just because brown-is-back doesn’t mean you want to fill your house with it especially when a relative attempts an Unbidden Crapping.

A BIG PROBLEM

I went on the Internet and saw dozens of articles on “kids” who hate their parents stuff and how to get rid of it. I do not feel that way at all. I love my parents stuff. I love my Grandmother’s stuff. I love my mother in law’s stuff. Choosing to give something away, like nice clothing or china, is hard for me. Even out of style jeans, or three plates of a really cool china pattern, things I can afford to buy new, are not easily parted with. Why go buy something if you already have it? And yet…

And yet, you can’t live your life in the past, let alone your mother’s old pants. We all need a little edit. The big problem is that no one has the space, mentally or physically, to store all of their family’s Unbidden Crapping. Tough decisions need to be made. But, don’t despair… that’s what your kids are for.

Have you been the object of an Unbidden Crapping? Who initiated? What happened?

Who got the better stuff, you or your siblings?

But, what if you’re an only child…can you handle all your family’s “nice stuff?”

Meet Me in the comments! I’ll start!

xo

Kim