Gidget the Wonder Dog
I have a sweet, lovable dog. She is fourteen and a half and her name is Gidget. People supposedly resemble their dogs, and I hope that’s not totally true. Gidget doesn’t like meeting other dogs, growls at all of the tourists that go to pet her, scaring them, and she now poops when she barks.
As I write this I realize that I have two of those traits in common with her.
Recently, Gidget had her cancerous anal glands removed and I am starting to wonder if curing her cancer was worth the many little doggie landmines that we find. It’s almost like having a deer or a rabbit in the house. Except, it’s not. People say “put a diaper on her” but, how would you like a diaper on you all day long? She’s a mature lady, after all. A little respect, please. So far I’ll take the mine-clearing over the changing a diaper on a dog and cleaning her fury privates constantly.
Gidget is spry and playful, if a little demented. She barks like a Boothe cartoon dog, frantically and for no apparent reason. And now she has the added trait of letting loose a tad when she barks. She certainly keeps us on our toes!
Do you have an old dog? Has she learned any new tricks? Send photos and details : womenssurvivalguide@gmail.com and
Pre-Fall Self Care Neglect and Decrap Da Fridge!
It’s that time again, ladies! While you all have been out there enjoying yourselves, cookouts, beach, hiking, biking, whatever it is you do to enjoy the outdoor season, whether away or at home, you’ve been ignoring a few things.
Not just your refrigerator, we will get there, it’s your general self care. let’s talk about that for a minute…
Raise your hand if you have not had your hair touched by a professional for over two months. How about plucking your brows? Shaving your legs? Scrubbing your body? Pedicure? I know, some of you are saying: “what is this woman talking about? Of course I have maintained my well kept me through the summer….and why hasn’t she?” You have a point.
It’s not that I haven’t done some of those things, just not as regularly as I would when I am at home base in Boston. First of all, I can’t see my eye brows in the travel mirror I have, this needs to be remedied. But, then again, if I cannot see it, and I am not looking at me, does it really exist? I tend to hang out with people who also might not be able to see that my eye brows are spreading. I recently got home and saw for myself in my Hubble Telescope-strength-mirror with florescent light surround the front line invasion of my brows towards my eye lids. Only an hour later or so, all set.
I don’t know about you, but do you really keep your mani-pedi up in the summer? And, not you sub fifty year olds. You don’t count. You can still see well and so do the people you hang out with. I mean we older gals who are part of the We Do Not Care Club. We can choose what we don’t care about, btw. And not you ladies who have kids getting married. You’re entertaining the future in-laws all summer and parties to celebrate the upcoming earth-stopping nuptuals of your preciouses. Just the rest of us, over fifty and still active. How are your hands and feet? Mine look like Frodo’s from Lord of the Rings. But not for long because I’m here in the city and can tend to them, to the relief of no one.
How about the hair?
Let’s look at ourselves for a mo’. When I say “White Stripe” I don’t mean the 90s band. Is the part in your hair like a shell strew path in the pale summer moon light? Or, a skunk? Have you had your hair in a pony tail for two months? Is this another case of “what I can’t see doesn’t exist?” We can see, though. Make the appointment. You’ll be all ready for re-entry into wearing shoes and you’ll beat the rush.
Last tip: get a natural bristle dish scrubber, get in a tub and soak for five minutes. Then, scrub the be-jeezus out of your arms and legs. You’re scaly. After the tub put a bunch of moisturizer on and wash out the tub…you’ll need to. Aren’t we feeling pretty now?
Have you neglected your beauty routine this summer? What specifically?
Next up: a fish tale in the freezer.
My family had the misfortune of my needing to cook them a meal this summer. I decided to make fish. I do not know why. I went to Trader Joes and got cod. The cod smelled not great when I cut it out of its hermetically sealed plastic environmental disaster containers. I should have known then, but my maternal lunacy pushed me to make the fish. I put the containers the cod came in into the freezer, as I do with all stinky things, until trash day. I put the gross cooked fish no one ate in the fridge. I created a refrigerator nightmare of stank.
Now that summer is coming to an end, yes, it is, I opened the freezer and was hit with an unspeakable rancid fish smell, even though the fish was long gone! That no good, very bad fish covered everything in the freezer! The ice, the ice maker, the trays, the dozens of years old frozen mystery meat, the whole darn shootin’ match! Stink-o! But, I had an ace up my sleeve…it was trash night!!!
Out came the big green bags and I brought the freezer back to its original naked glory. I pulled all of the plastic shelving out and put it in the dishwasher. I scrubbed the walls of the thing. I dragged the rock solid trash out and threw it on the sidewalk. It was a moment of pure joy. No one can take the feeling of getting a task done like emptying out a freezer away from you.
Even if you don’t think you need to empty your time-capsule of a freezer, just go ahead and do it. Just for the glory of it!
After going to my dentist appointment I got home and lo and behold those six bags of unfrozen, freezer food were still sitting there on the sidewalk. That’s how we do it in my neighborhood. We don’t have trash barrels for the most part, small city living, so we chuck it all on the sidewalks in the bags the night before ( the city now has the trucks come at six and we don’t want to miss the pick up) and the streets turn into a scene out of Ratatouille. Lovely.
I used the app, Boston 311 but was worried that I might get stuck with these rat torn bags of rotting food, definitely not compostable, so I called 311. I got a great woman who I could tell was my age and we chuckled about the rats and smelly freezer and that somehow the trash guys skipped only my bags on the street and what a nightmare that would be to have the food rotting there. After we hung up with in fifteen minutes they zipped by and grabbed the shredded bags of trash. Hurrah!
Thoughts on stinky fish? And just think, my exhaust fan is still broken, too.
Are you getting your home ready for the post Summer season?
MEET ME IN THE COMMENTS
Do you have an old dog? Has she learned any new tricks?
Have you neglected your beauty routine this summer? What specifically?
Are you getting your home ready for the post Summer season?
