Maven5Q Dr. Eboni L. Truss

Naming my own needs without feeling guilty about it

This morning:

I was sitting in the Amsterdam train station this morning chatting with a woman from Australia who mentioned that she was headed to France to visit a woman whom she only knows through Instagram and their mutual interest in sewing. She has been visiting her son, then on a cruise and decided to fit an in-person visit with someone she had never met, but knows well.

I am on my way to London to meet up with three friends from home but also hope to see

Eleanor Anstruther

! We have never met in person but I have interviewed her and we are part of the

Alisa Kennedy Jones

squad of femmes fabulous, so other than her size and smell, I would recognize her anywhere.

I guess these relationships are like penpals from yesteryear but with audio and video, like a Jetson’s cartoon. You can have a fulfilling relationship online despite never having met in the flesh. Weird, but it was (is?) probably true of penpals, as well. Do we tend to share more with people we don’t really know? Writing our deepest thoughts? Giving our true advice? Maybe.

What do you think?

Onward to Eboni!

When I read Eboni’s responses to the Maven5Q I found yet more ways to think of this time of life. She has keen insights into herself as a midlife female we all can benefit from. Her first answer to the first question speaks to me:

“Honestly, I’m surprised by how much of what I thought I wanted wasn’t actually mine, but rather other people’s hopes, expectations, and dreams for me.”

Eboni reflects on giving herself permission to deviate from the path she’s been on all her adult life. To do so takes motivation and risk. She also talks about allowing ourselves to be reflective, even bored? Are you ever bored anymore? Can you find uninterrupted reflection?

meet me in the comments….let’s discuss ..

Dr. Eboni L. Truss

Dr. Eboni L. Truss is a woman of purpose, passion, and a global voice of knowledge and wisdom. She makes it easy for accomplished leaders to grow from performance into purpose. In essence, she helps high-achievers connect to their souls and not just their salaries.

The author of 2 transformative books, she has a particular and power-filled calling and capacity to lead you into rediscovering your authentic self so that you can lead in a way that leaves a generational legacy.

She is an international speaker, coach, and best-selling author, but most importantly, Dr. Eboni L. is the wife to James and mom to two amazing and handsome sons.

1. What is the most surprising part of being in this stage of life?
Honestly, I’m surprised by how much of what I thought I wanted wasn’t actually mine, but rather other people’s hopes, expectations, and dreams for me.

This stage has surprised me with its clarity. Somewhere along the way, I realized I had built a life that looked successful but didn’t necessarily feel successful. The titles, milestones, applause started to feel a little hollow once I finally took the space to listen to myself. I think what surprises me most is how much of mid-life is about unlearning, and how freeing it is to say, “This isn’t working for me anymore,” without apology.

2. What’s one new thing you’re trying to embrace in mid-life?
Naming my own needs without feeling guilty about it. As someone who spent years focused on performance and showing up for everyone else, this has been huge for me. I used to think honoring my needs meant I was being selfish or soft. Now I understand it’s the opposite. It’s actually quite strategic!

I’ve started asking myself better questions. And I’ve even captured some of those in a process I use often with the high-achieving women I serve. There’s something powerful about giving yourself permission to stop and ask, “Who am I underneath all this?”

3. If you could give yourself a piece of advice 20 years ago, what would it be and why?
“Eboni, you don’t have to prove anything.”

Twenty years ago, I was 28 years old and I was on a mission to be impressive. I was on the hunt for power and recognition, doing everything “right” but I still wound up wondering why I felt empty. For all my accomplishments, I still somehow felt significantly unaccomplished. Adding to that was the self-inflicted pressure of comparing myself to those I had graduated college with, feeling like I was behind and inadequate (which drove me into more inauthenticity).

So, I would tell the 28-year-old me that she’s already enough. Not because of what she’s doing, but imply because of who she is. And that the work isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you were before the world told you who to become.

4. What’s something that our generation had access to that you’d like to bring back?
Real, uninterrupted reflection!

Remember when we had to sit with our thoughts on a long car ride, or when writing in your diary wasn’t a curated moment for social media? I miss that kind of space!

I’ve seen the impact that intentional self-reflection can have, not just as a coach and consultant, but as a woman who’s had to go through that process herself. There’s actually a simple framework I share that helps people reflect with purpose, and I think our generation would benefit from that kind of honesty and self-reflection again.

5. If the next 20 years of your life had a theme, what would it be and why?
In a word: Un-Becoming.

That’s the word I come back to over and over. The next two decades are about shedding every mask, every expectation, every role I was never meant to carry so I can live fully as the woman I’ve always been underneath it all.

And that’s the work I get to do with others now too: walking with them as they release what no longer fits, and rediscover the person they were always meant to be.

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Meet me in the comments!

I find Ebony hits on a some concepts I hadn’t considered. I don’t know about you but I feel It’s hard to savor time and even be bored. This thing in our hand prevents us from having to really think and deal with ourselves.

How are you dealing with this?

Check out my Instagram! It’s fun!

New art on my web site!