Feeling Insecure? It's all in your head 😉
How to give yourself a "Let's Go!" and shake things up WSG 98
I’ve been feeling insecure all week. I’ll explain why below. I don’t know about you, but when I feel insecure I usually feel blue, and feisty with a big dose of dread. Super charming, basically. Really productive. Not.
Just because we are “mature” adults does not mean we don’t experience insecurity. Working hard, consistently at something that seems to keep getting harder for you, but not for someone else can make a girl feel insecure. Some ridiculous, fictitious examples….
🎾Play tennis? Or, any sport? You and a friend have been playing regularly. She is making more progress than you are on the court. How do you handle that?
🏆Are you trying to get to a milestone in your profession? A position, a salary, an award? Well, she got there before you. And with less effort. What is that doing to your motivation?
🤓Do you write on Substack? Have you been doing it for three years and feel like you do good work with a purpose but you’re not making a lot of headway? But then she just started and is already a Substack Weekly Read and has thousands of followers? Ouch! How’s that on your confidence?
How do we pick ourselves up and set ourselves back on the path towards our goals when we are feeling insecure?
It’s not easy. And, maybe a little bit of wallowing in self pity isn’t the worst thing in the world. Let’s a person gather themselves. I did this recently. I spent the week wallowing in doubt over my blog here at Substack. Maybe a little bit of envy at other’s success. A bit of frustration with myself for a lack of progress. I’m not out of my funk completely but, I’ve decided to give myself a break and write this post to flesh out my feelings.
Let’s look at the examples I gave above.
Each example tells a bit of a story from only one point of view.
In sports, it is natural one person may be a better athlete. That’s just the way it is. Maybe you had an off day. Or, perhaps…she actually does practice more than you do. More often and harder. You don’t need to feel insecure about it. But, if you want to get better, you’ll need to practice more. It’s up to you, not her.
The same argument can be applied to work success. Is your perceived competition a reality? Did you actually want that job? Or are you choosing to fixate on something for the wrong reasons? When I wrote “And with less effort” above, says who? How do you know? When we make assumptions about other people (that cause us to feel insecure) we are usually wrong. Notice the fictional examples (except one:) I posted above only tell one side of a story.
And as for the last example about a Substack writer feeling blue over a lack of traction (commenters, and engagement). She has a lot to learn and explore on Substack. In fact, she is just starting to utilize community building tools that have been there for years but she has been too focussed on her own work to employ them. Now that she is engaging on Notes and in the comment sections of other blogs she is meeting some great people! Such helpful, kind peeps who are taking the time to point her in the right direction. All she has to do is follow their lead. (Thank you,
:)So, when you feel insecure because you think others are having more success than you…
……follow their lead! And, that is the message: See success, follow their example, stop feeling insecure by doing something about it. Experiment. Take the advice people may have given you and give it a try. You’ll feel better doing something instead of being nasty to yourself.
Please share your thoughts…
When was the last time you felt insecure and why?
What advice would you give others who are being hard on themselves?
How do you get past it?
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I am working on a piece about getting out of funk. I was in it at the beginning of the month and it wasn’t pretty…but a bit of perspective (and a lot of rest, self care and journalling) and I’m feeling so much better. Our minds are crazy things, and like to tell us big fat lies when we’re feeling insecure and vulnerable. I’m so glad you’re on easing out of it. xxx
Thank you!
Do you know what is so funny (ish)? I deleted the line "Don't compare kids or spouses because that's not healthy." I felt it was too bossy so I took it out! And for sure. Its just not healthy to compare kids or spouses, for that matter. When I was growing up the sayings for women was "You can never be too rich or too thin." Can you imagine?...Kind of ghastly. Totally form the Swan Era and Truman Capote.