A Christmas Crapping, a poem

The sweetness of dirty laundry WSG 92

Lois Dodd

‘Twas the night before break and all through our house, not a creature was stirring except for us and our drink.- The fam will arrive! The house glitters and gleams! All folded, all dusted, all decorated, all clean! ‘They’re coming home!’ says we with glee in our hearts, we will watch movies, bake cookies and sign all the cards!

There’s a wreath on the door, garlands up on the rails the pets are excited, there is a spring in their tails! Oh goody! says they, I love these new peeps they smell really pretty and they give me nice treats!

When out of the blue there was a shout we put down our drinks to see what was it about!

We opened the door and looked all around. No one was there but three bright blue bags on the ground. These bags, they were big. Hold a body, could they. And their zippers were pulling, their handles were frayed.

The bags seemed to stir and we backed away. Too late! the bags muttered as they slid on their way. Over our feet, toppling us slightly the bags ended up in our hall, For inanimate objects these bags were not at all.

The bags were aggressive and pushy and mean. They barked at our dog, they hissed at our cat. They laughed and they pointed at us on our mat.

The pets rightly freaked and scampered away for the bags might just eat them, it might go just that way.

As they climbed up the steps, their zippers did burst each bag released something, only one at first. We should have known to run far and run fast. But the laundry tide from the bag did enveloped us at last.

We came to from our stupor induced by the smell that the undies, the sweatshirts, the leggings all held. Help us! We cried covered from head to toe. But our cries went unanswered, our story untold.

‘To the kitchen!’ the bags cried and slowly oozed forward but the joke was on them as the pets could have warned them. The washer and dryer are there, the bags certain demise, where their contents will go to be rinsed of their grime.

With their innards emptied and all clean the bags weren’t so scary nor sassy or mean. These were just Amazon bags, all shiny and blue, like Ikea bags, but with zippers, similar, but different, it’s true. Just Amazon bags! so funny. Why were we scared? This happens each year! It all ends right here.

In came the pets, tails aloft with such glee and following behind them were our girls, 1,2, and 3.

Merry Christmas and happy Holidays to you and yours from me and mine. Kim