I have found that, for the most part, women are nicer to each other after fifty. Just when Mother Nature takes all sorts of things away from us, mainly estrogen - and all it controls, she gives us each other and perhaps a shot of empathy. Which is a relief because women start competing at an early age for friends, men, careers, fortunes, kids (and all they want their kids to do) until, eventually, the competition is over.

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Just like the game Wonder Ball (“The wonder ball goes round and round to catch it quickly you are bound, if you’re the one to hold it last the game for you has quickly passed”…a terrifying game) or Hot Potato or musical chairs, it’s over.

We’re out.

Of the breeding pool. Of the entry level, the middle level and most likely the top level as well. Time to let the next group of young lunatics have at it. Let’s just enjoy each other and learn from one another. Lean into “calm down.” Pick our heads up and look around. Relax.

I’m not saying “give up!” Or to give away all your nice stuff and turn into a troll! No, not that. This isn’t about joining some cult (send me all your money). But haven’t you noticed you are less interested in “acquiring” these days? Sure, you like a special thing. A nice thing (I just bought new sheets). A new skill. A new friend. But the days of needing a ton of furniture, needing a wardrobe for the many different types of events life threw at you…has slowed. It’s the reverse of a vacuum cleaner. We sucked and gobbling up everything in our path, we aspired! And now, a switch has been thrown and it’s the opposite. Pthooee!

Out go the forty LL Bean tote bags, the too-tight little black dresses and perilously tall heels, the copious amount of kitchen stuff (the ice cream maker, bread maker, three sets of mixing bowls), maybe even the family house. Out go the many titles you bore with pride: Class Parent, VP of sales, the many charities you aren’t really interested in but it seemed like the thing to do, and the ton of time they require.

Bear with me, there is a point to this….

Out go the people you only knew because of one of these things you did you don’t want to do anymore. Out go the people you never really enjoyed anyway, because you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t need anyone who doesn’t spark joy (at least occasionally) unless, maybe, they serve on the board of the retirement home you really want to get into (or get your parents into), but you have a preexisting condition. But that would be sad. And, lastly, or firstly…..

Out go the mean girls. They cannot hurt you anymore. They do not matter.

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It’s not a brag, but, I was a magnet for mean girl in my youth. Sometimes I earned it, but usually, I was convenient. I didn’t fight back. I was far too chicken and embarrassed. No one rode to my rescue.

We never forget those who were mean to us, do we? What made me think of mean girls? Well, I happened to run into one recently, and despite still being mean, I don’t care anymore. I’m FREE!

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A Mean Girl

In the past, I let her be mean. I didn’t want to cause a scene. When she saw me and acted like a total jerk, (puckered facial expression like she sees and smells something she doesn’t like when I appeared) which she still does, I’d slink away wondering, “What is this woman’s issue with me? I’m so funny and delightful! Just give me chance, you’ll love me!” No dice.

When I’d hear she would be at an event I was attending, I felt dread. What shitty thing will she say to me and about what and in front of whom? Because she definitely will. Oh, the possibilities. This went on for….decades.

Then…

Recently, my husband and I arrived at our favorite restaurant, rushing in from the pouring rain.

We were wet and laughing, shaking the umbrella out, pealing off our wet coats. I hadn’t looked around and then I did.

Of all people. Little Miss Lemon Sucker.

“Brain to face, brain to face! Stay neutral, continue upbeat emotion! Ignore witch! Repeat, ignore witch!” I was smiling, but my eyes weren’t. I just looked at her until she looked away and acted all sweet to whomever she was with. I felt a slight shift in advantage: mine.

Hilariously, we did not acknowledge each other. We’ve known each other for over twenty five years, it’s ridiculous not to acknowledge each other. In the more recent past I am the one to say “Hello, X.” because I know she won’t. Very bold, I am. But, I really wasn’t up for pretense. So, when I needed to get to the coat closet and she was blocking it I said “Excuse me,” and she sort of got fluster-sweet like “Oh yes, excuse me!” What was that I thought? What a bunch of bullshit that was. She isn’t that kind of person to be fluster-sweet. Then I realized she was at a work event. She’s still her.

For me, it was a moment. A moment of “meh.”

I do not care anymore. I do not need to go to your book club or your charity events from which you excluded me (but invited all of my friends to) because I don’t want to go. I haven’t wanted to go for years. You just didn’t notice. I good, as the kids say.

But, we have some close friends in common (see below about women sharing friends…badly), which is a full on wonder to me-but there it is and I guess it takes all kinds, but, anyway. One of those friends is no longer friends with this mean girl (my restaurant mean girl) because she told my friend a lie and then told her what a jerk she was after being confronted with the lie.

She is the type of person who says crummy things to you in front of others. I remember a small event we both attended and she fully dismissed everything I said in front of this small group. She did it in a way and with a look that was so full of disdain I had to wonder why she was even talking to me at all. The others did notice. It definitely made me feel awful. I let it. Why did I let it? That was about twelve years ago.

But, now, with my new super powers gained in menopause, I do not care.

I think the best part of being “middle” aged might be growing up.

Do you have a midlife mean girl?

I hope not. Did you have adolescent mean girls? I think most of us did. Or, were you a mean girl? You know if you were. Are you sorry?

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The difference between a mean girl and an idiot:

People know when they have done things to hurt people. They know if they did it on purpose. Different from saying something stupid that upsets someone, maybe permanently. That’s life.

We say and do stupid things. Most of us. When I look at the friendships I have lost in a lifetime, two, it’s fifty-fifty that one of us pushed the other to the point we really were sick of each other. Forever. That can be hurtful and upsetting for years sometimes. But, it’s not bullying, or being a mean girl. It’s just unfortunate.

Mean High School Girls

Looking back on high school from your fifties is complicated. Unless it was documented, like a yearbook photo, it’s pretty much gone. Whatever your memories are, they might be wrong.

As an adult, I have bumped into people from high school and our impressions of each other were completely different from how we each remembered the experience. So, who knows about the bullying I felt I experienced? Except in my case there were notes left in people’s lockers and I sure do remember that.

I wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, at least on paper. I was cute and could play sports, well enough. But, everyone else could play sports and they could read and do their homework, which is the part I lacked. I lacked self confidence and I really wanted a boyfriend to make me feel good about myself. Being cute, lacking self esteem and wanting a boyfriend were grounds for the older girls to make sure I knew my place. Mission accomplished.

The mean girls took to writing sexually explicit notes, signing my name to them and putting them in boys lockers. Use your 1983 imagination. These notes, unknown to me until the next year, were then passed around. The effect was to be turned into an Untouchable because who wants to be friends with, or date, a dumb, slutty underclassman? I wouldn’t for one.

I transferred schools and life got markedly better. But the mean girls won that round. I remember exactly who they are. Always will.

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Mean College Girls

When I went to college I made a bunch of new friends and my closest buddy was a sophomore. We were both from Massachusetts and I adored her humor (Kliban, Larsen), fashion (John Fluevog, Barney’s) and music (Big Audio Dynamite, Chaka Khan). She was and is super fun. But.

She had a close friend from their freshman year, let’s call her Katy, and she wasn’t too happy about me.

It was clear that Katy didn’t want me to join their established gang. I thought, why not all hang together? I learned that some girls don’t like to share their friends. This didn’t make any sense to me. It still doesn’t.

Katy really hated me and got all her squash playing friends to hate me. But, I had squash playing friends, too! So, we did all end up at the same parties and she just had to suffer me. In the end, Katy really blew her friendship with my friend. I am not sure what she did to push my buddy over the edge. Was it: when she stole my bike? When she threw a drawer through my window? The way she behaved when I was around?

Who knows. The lesson is: don’t be a jealous asshole to your friends’ friends.

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Mean Twenties and Thirties (and even 40s) Women

The twenties and thirties can be pretty brutal for women with aspirations. Career, marriage, etc makes people do crazy stuff to get ahead. It’s a difficult time of life to know what you want and then when you get it, to appreciate it. Some people don’t feel this way at all about the period of young adulthood. I did.

Here we circle back to the beginning of this piece. The mean woman at the restaurant. She was one of two mean girls I recall during this period. The other mean girl is now a good friend. Why was she mean? I do not know. I wasn’t the only one getting her ire (“oh, you’re here?” sneer) and I chalked it up to “because she can.” In reality, looking back, I think there was some tough stuff going on in her own life and she dealt with it by being really rude to people who appeared to be happy.

Also:

we shared a very close friend in common. What I said above about some women not happy sharing friends? That. It was really hurtful at times. Now, it’s like nothing ever happened. You really have to be particularly awful for me to be unforgiving.

The Mean Woman at the Restaurant fits that category and I believe it’s permanent.

Meet me in the comments!

Do you have a mean girl in your life? I hope not…but do tell!

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MEAN GIRL STORIES from you:

Molly Moynahan 3d

My ex boss who is now dead which is too bad but boy was she a mean girl pretending to be a cool girl, a girl’s girl, a pal. I worked for her at a massive publishing house and adored her. My oldest sister had been killed in a car crash and she was the same age. She flattered me and bribed me and gaslit me until she fired me for accusing her of lying which she had. Her last words to me were:”Now you can go write your novel.” Which I did. A year later it came out and she was fired. Four novels this fall.

Good Humor by CK Steefel

I’ve mentioned my experiences in some essays. I learned what a kyke was when Robin Maguire labeled me one in 9th grade. One recent article was devoted to Mean Grandmas in my mom’s gated community.

100% HUMAN

I was a very vocal feminist and environmentalist in the 80s at school which attracted a whole group of kids. They even started a club called the Anti-[MY NAME] Club. In the years after school, I bumped into them individually - one even turned up at a yoga class I was teaching - and they all apologized which some variation of ‘You were right…I get it now!’

Some Mean Girls change.

Anonymous

In 1992, four friends and I had just seen Basic Instinct (if you haven’t seen that this story will not make as much sense). The next night we were all going out and Bonnie (the ring leader) pretty much demands that none of us would wear undies in case later on we wanted to pull a Sharon Stone.

We all agreed but later I privately told Bonnie that I would definitely be wearing my undies, two other friends also told her that. So we all go out and all of us except one girl, Lisa, are wearing undies, she assumes we aren’t.

The evening is great and it seems like Bonnie has forgotten her plan and we leave a club with a bunch of guys we know from high school to go Matt’s parent’s house. It’s a gorgeous summer night and Matt’s parents have a beautiful pool so we decide we are all going to strip to our undies and bras and have a midnight swim!

So fun, except Lisa doesn’t have undies on and Bonnie is egging her to come in the pool knowing she doesn’t have on undies. Lisa has a miserable night with the guys trying to pull up her dress and her missing all the pool fun and her choice is to be a prude or seem like a total skank that doesn’t wear undies.

I feel badly I let her be tricked.

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ICYMI

gotham girl

On the Divinely Absurd Comedy of "No." 😂

Thanks for reading gotham girl. This is a free post, so please share it on social media; just be sure to include a link. Sincerest thanks to every single paid subscriber. You are keeping the lights on around here, and I can’t thank you enough for it…

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8 days ago · 35 likes · 39 comments · Alisa Kennedy Jones

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The video starts at the very beginning of our first meeting. We had never spoken on the phone, and really had not communicated much. I like to have a fresh start with the women I interview on video so there is a feeling of discovery. The Maven5Q doesn’t require me to speak with participants and the texts are minimal. Nothing different here. But, what was different was the easy flow of conversation between two women who are around the same age, didn’t know each other, but really knew where the other was coming from. We both listened and both shared. We each needed a good chat!

It’s a personal conversation. You are a fly on the wall. It’s not My Dinner with Andre, but it’s something. The first five minutes or so we talk about our experience on Substack, which might be interesting if you’re on Substack or use it. We touch on Terri’s hormone therapy experience, and my curiosity about it. We get specific. We talk abut the stigma of meds. We talk about the kids leaving, blended families, and caring for parents. We talk about her mom and Terri’s dedication to her at the end of her life and the book she made for her which led to her work on Substack, Create your Woman’s Wisdom Book. It’s a good old fashioned conversation with the addition of video. It’s like we are strangers on a bus and strike up a chat.

I hope you enjoy it and participate in the comments❤️

MEET ME IN THE COMMENTS!

Thoughts on a long meandering, sometimes inaccurate on my part, chat between strangers? What struck you?

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ICYMI

PS:

The Midst

Meet the 1st Midst Mastermind group!

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11 days ago · 5 likes · 6 comments · The Midst and Amy Cuevas Schroeder

The Readerista

As someone who is navigating grief, these are the two books I would recommend to others dealing with loss.

Grief is described as a complex, natural response—both emotional and physical—to a significant loss. Everyone experiences grief at some stage, whether due to the death of a loved one, a pet, ending a…

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11 days ago · 21 likes · 2 comments · Kimberly Morales

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TERRI WEEDING

https://terriweeding.com

Terri Weeding is the Founder of Create your Woman’s Wisdom Book, an online and resource community for women who want to capture and pass on their wisdom.

Terri is the author of The Guide to Creating Your Woman’s Wisdom Book, and Mama Grinch: A Short, Sassy Guide to Stopping the Holiday Madness. She is a past recipient of the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop’s Humor Writer of the Month (2014).

As a seasoned writing instructor and book coach, Terri guides women through the deeply personal and transformative process of creating their wisdom book — a legacy of comfort and love.

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What is the most surprising part of being in this stage of life?

How energized I feel. Probably a combination of HRT + pursing my passion + daily meditational walks by the river + plenty of sleep and water.

What’s one new thing you’re trying to embrace in mid-life?

Self worth based on being rather than accomplishing.

If you could give yourself a piece of advice 20 years ago, what would it be and why?

Stop apologizing for everything and everyone.

What’s something that our generation had access to that you’d like to bring back?

More independent bookstores!!

If the next 20 years of your life had a theme, what would it be and why?

A playful life of meaning. When I play I create joy. Meaning = cherishing loved ones and having a mission and a purpose beyond myself.

Meet me in the comments!

“Playful life of meaning” is a wonderful goal for the next twenty years. Do you agree? How are you incorporating fun and playfulness into your life?

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I find dancing to be a way to feel playful, but it isn’t “official,” it’s not a class or a club. I also still find running part of my wiggle your body time. And, comedy…If only I were a better planner, I’d go to comedy clubs weekly!

Stay tuned…

for podcast and clips with Terri coming this week.

Have you noticed I have been a little unpredictable with my postings? Do you find it exciting? Just kidding…I am a little distracted with fun family events…But, I have been painting a lot and planning new ideas for you and WSG!

FYI

We went to see daughter Bebe at a the Levitate Festival in Marshfield, MA. Kid Camille came, too and lots of their friends and our friends and some cousins. It rained on and off but that didn’t damped the spirit of a phenomenal two day concert!

Love this lady….

Into Many Things

A health and wellness lifestyle workshop :)

By camille stockwell

Start Young

I grew up in the 1970s with a Dad who loved to travel. He still does. And we still go on great trips together, now including my three kids, husband and step mom. This year it was Ireland!

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I have always been comfortable traveling. In my later teens and twenties I went on my own trips, sometimes alone. If I had some money and time, I left town. I guess it’s the only-child thing, but traveling alone was natural to me. In between jobs at 24 I went alone to Paris for a week, a city I knew well. It was both exciting and relaxing for me. I brought my journal and a New Yorker, sat in a cafe and watched the world go by. No phones in those days, I could be completely anonymous. No pangs of anxiety about who was doing what. I loved that I was utterly alone.

When Pel and I met, travel was something we had in common, if a little nuanced. He was adventuresome in the Far East and I was travelled in Europe. We instilled a love of exploring away from home in our kids. Now they are able to navigate the world with confidence on their own. Job done!

Why Travel?

Why does anyone care about travel? It can be exasperating. It’s an experience that has a beginning and an end and no tangible outcome. You may have spent as much as it costs to buy a car on a trip. So, why do we bother?

I cannot help thinking of Rick Steves, sweet wonderful man of wisdom who has trundled through Europe for the past fifty years (!) with us along for the ride. Unafraid to hold up a mirror to society and say, “See?” he is a man who, with warmth and gusto, shows us the food, history, art, culture, and for him most importantly, the people. Through his eyes we see travel makes us better, less afraid, and kinder people.

PS: If you haven’t watched his piece on Fascism in Europe on Public TV you must.

Rick quotes Mark Twain each show “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow mindedness.” Oh that Mark, what a funny man. Travel is also an antidote for curiosity and discovery. Vive la différence!

Below is the full Mark Twain quote. Surprising Isn’t it?

The more things change, the more they stay the same…

I had never read the full Mark Twain quote, which also means I haven’t read the book it came from, the 1869 The Innocents Abroad. I think I had better read it because it feels a little clairvoyant!

“…views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the Earth all ones lifetime” ?

Did he know about social media and gaming? I wonder what he meant? What did the people of 1869 do that was considered frittering time away stupidly? Today, we have brought it to an art form, obvi.

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Travel with family

The trips we have done with the kids were not crazy or dangerous. But, we did do some fun cliff repelling in Zion, Grand Canyon hikes, hut to hut hiking in Switzerland, biking in Yellowstone, a lot of beach time and some ski trips in Europe which I think are my favorites. We have found the guided/group hiking and biking, skiing trips have worked well for us as a family. It keeps everyone in line when there is a non related person around. We sleep well because we have been active all day. This can be very important when traveling en famile, n’est pas?

Just get a guide

We learned this golden nugget of life wisdom through experience. It started when the kids were tiny and we had them on skis. As we slid down a bunny hill with a squirming toddler between our legs (plus another smaller one somewhere), passing happy tiny kids on a “magic carpet” with rosy cheeked instructors at the ski school it occurred to us that yes, this is why unrelated professionals exist: to keep us from throttling our offspring and going to jail. “Third party professionals” was a concept we quickly adopted into our parenting philosophy.

In travel we saw that with our three girls, a guide made the trip a lot more fun, mainly because the guide wasn’t me or their Dad. The guides are young and fun and the kids are like rockets compared to our damp fire cracker as far as agility and speed on a mountain go. With a guide around, no one can be in a crummy mood or torture their sister because that would be embarrassing. Thank God for embarrassing things as far as kids go. Keeps ‘em in line.

But, the same is true for parents and grandparents. We don’t want to come off as a turkey either. We want to be the guide’s best trip ever whom they will remember as the coolest family they ever guided. So, a guide keeps us in line too.

Onward!

Ireland 2026

Hailing from Boston one might think, “why go to Ireland when Boston is Irish?” It is, But it really is not. Dublin and Boston do have a lot in common: bricks, old stuff, great schools with old bricks, old churches made of old bricks, pubs, a lot of white people. Funny accents.

But, Dublin has a culture I had not expected: kindness and patience. They are really pleasant people to hang around. The “banter” thing is real. It’s like every person in the Republic of Ireland is given a quick silver tongue at birth. The non native Irish also have the gift of gab, so maybe there is something in the water? Or, maybe it’s because half the population can choose what to do with their bodies, unlike here in the US.

Today’s Irish are very liberal. The Catholic Church has far less power in politics and the country has legalized same-sex marriage (2015) and abortion (2018). They have shifted from religious restriction to one of personal liberty and individual rights [1, 2, 3]. I can imagine Ireland is a sociologists dream to study how these socially progressive amendments work over time. We spoke to people about Northern Ireland a fair amount and as they see it, it’s a matter of time before they vote to join The Republic of Ireland. The Catholics are about to outnumber the protestants and both are voting on economic lines, not religious. Stay tuned.

Perhaps due to being “neutral” during the war and a lousy couple of centuries economically, the old buildings of Dublin weren’t destroyed. The scale of the city is pleasant to be in and there are numerous parks to enjoy. The overall feeling in the city is celebratory. Pubs everywhere. Live music in every pub and hotel. Bookstores abound. Can’t say they have stellar art but the National Gallery of Ireland is gorgeous.

This is an old city. Lots of Viking chatter and sad Famine stories. The Irish history is incredibly bleak which may be why they are so dark humored.

Irish History in Summary:

• The British enslaved the Irish in the 16th century. Stole their land and enacted the Penal Laws placing restrictions on the Irish people, including: forbidding Catholics and Presbyterians from practicing their religion, significant limitations on the education systems, as well as prohibiting the Irish language, the right to vote, working in government or public office. Not very fair

• Then came the Famine in the 1800s. Little known to us here is that despite the failure of the potato crop, there was food, but the British through laws and tariffs mandated the livestock and other food be shipped to England turning the famine into a genocide. The population went from 8 million to five million. One million died of starvation and the others emigrated (many to Boston). The population has never recovered.

• The partitioning of Ireland into North (the UK) and The Republic (EU) in the early 1920s, their civil war in the mid 1920s and The Troubles (Catholics versus Protestants and Northern Ireland) that lasted over thirty years show that modern Irish history is as fraught as their ancient history.

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Visuals

Photo Descriptions:

1. Travel is full of surprises! The first day in Dublin on our way to St. Patrick’s Cathedral a gigantic seagull let loose and covered me in poo. It landed in my hair, my face, all over my rain coat and sweater. It was really disgusting and even though we wiped it off, I stunk all day. I wasn’t going to abandon the tour over a little (a LOT) poop. Word to the wise, if you get covered in Irish bird poop, go shower and start over.

2. This pub, O’Reilly’s, was a lot of fun. It looks old, but it isn’t. I don’t care. I pretended it was old as we sat on a reclaimed wood bench and ordered Guinness. It used to be a pharmacy. Felt old to me.

3. Everyone goes to see the 1,200 year old Book of Kells at Trinity College, whoopy. It’s a book under glass and didn’t really wow me…I can be shallow. But, the room above the book cave is spectacular. It’s lined with book shelves and it’s called The Old Library. Go figure. Trinity is worth the visit.

4. We went out into the country and did country things like falconry (very cool, what birds! And, they behaved and didn’t cover me in feces), played with Border Collie puppies, did archery and shot skeet. Beware being forced to sit on a bus for full days while the countryside wizzes by. Skip the Ring of Kerry. Do some hikes in the area instead.

5. Fish and chips! we went to a super pub called Monks in Ballyvaughn and Pel got the Fish and Chips. I got the muscles and told the waitress how we don’t have muscles in Maine anymore and isn’t that a shame and how I miss them, all the while getting eye rolling from my family because I have a habit of telling that story every time I am near a bowl of muscles. They were very tasty.

6. Great decor. It isn’t only the English who have gorgeous decor and gardens! The Irish are right there….this chair really spoke to me.

7. There are many different landscapes on the emerald island. Shown is the rugged landscape of Killarney.

8. I collected dozens of garden photos. I am really into gardening these days and discovered part of my own garden I can rip out and do something like I saw while away. Pel is thrilled.

9. Here is the garden at the Literary Museum in Dublin. It is right on St Stephens park and has a wonderful restaurant and book store. I recommend it! The web site isn’t great, fyi.

We watched a lot of World Cup which kept us up late. Ireland was not in the tourney so there was not the buzz we have experienced abroad during a World Cup. During a hiking trip in Switzerland we watched a game on the tippy top of a mountain in a hut, the Suisse were in the tournament that year.

In Dublin we watched a game at O’Reilly’s and had great local banter to entertain us, Guinness in hand.

MEET ME IN THE COMMENTS!

Have you been to Ireland? What did you think? Got any family travel tips?

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ICYMI

Bebe released her new album!

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As over fifty women, when we think about our core it’s probably best expressed with the following: Sigh.

Do we think about “Well, a strong core will help my balance!” or “A strong core will improve my posture and let me be nimble and not look like a hunched old buzzard!”

Probably not.

Most likely when we think about improving our core…

”I hate doing sit ups…like HATE doing them and by extension I loath anyone telling me I need to do them so I don’t fall down. Up yours. I will decide which stupid exercises I do to keep me from falling down. Mind your own business and are you calling me fat?!”

Clearly, we have issues with people who try to help us.

Another thing we over fifties think about, core-wise is:

“I really wish this tire of fat wasn’t there. I mean, do I eat a few more yummies than I should? Don’t answer that if you value your life. Do I wish my stomach didn’t ooze over my waist band? Sure. But enough to give up my treats? Back off, you. Do I know I should pay attention to my core. YES! Of course I do! But I hate doing sit ups, I have told you that. “

Well, my little menopausal lovelies, ’s blog has a series of posts that just might motivate you to get stronger. I have chosen the one that says:

“A strong core is your super power. It drives your whole body

— your entire performance engine.”

Who doesn’t want a super power?!

I also heard that lifting weights isn’t a thing you can’t do…but let’s start here and see if we can get ourselves to help ourselves with the help of Brodee.

Onward!!

I read ’s complete core workout a few months ago and I swore I would do a post on it! Here I am, it’s nearly July, post a graduation and a two week family trip (I’ll do a post about that too), and I need to pay attention to my body. I am hoping this post will help motivate both of us!!

Working out:

The funny thing is that as a 20, 30 and 40 something I “worked out” religiously. I belonged to a gym and did all of the machines for arms, stomach and legs. I ran for twenty minutes on a treadmill. I took a sauna. Whether in college, or wherever I lived after college, I worked out.

I still need to be active for my mental health and comfort. I know I feel better when I do something physical like yoga or gardening. But, going to a gym and playing with the weight machines fell off of my menu in my early fifties, if not before. I just got sick of doing it. I really didn’t/don’t want to spend time inside working out.

I’ll go for a long walk or short run. I am not a person who enjoys going to exercise classes. I don’t like being around people when I work out (a walk is not a workout so I like a friend for that). Do you? I think most people do given the gigantic number of businesses offering a rainbow of workout class options. But, I am sorry I don’t want to go to a gym anymore and keep hoping someone will tell me that’s ok.

It’s not, though. We need to lift weights and work on our cores, with or without others around. That’s where Brodee’s work comes in.

has started a series of short, sweet, “evidence-backed workout programs, aligned with what women want and need after 50.”

Her post on the core provides the following:

• Why every woman needs a strong core after 50

• A quick tour of your core — and why it matters

• The Total Core Workout & Training Program

• Your Personalised Roadmap & Tracker

• The Express Core Workout — planes, trains and automobiles

It’s linked below for you!

Road Trip to Younger

The sit-up is dead. Here's the upgrade. A Complete Core Workout + Program for women over 50.

“A strong core is your super power. It drives your whole body…

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3 months ago · 350 likes · 35 comments · Brodee Myers-Cooke

MEET ME IN THE COMMENTS!

How do you get yourself to work out? Do you reward yourself? Is it something you love? Loath? Do tell!!

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PS..Check out Bebe’s new album….

BOOK CLUB GATHERING WILL BE RESCHEDULED!

We will enjoy our book club gathering soon but due to events I need to postpone.

I would like to do Belle Burden’s book Strangers. I think for we midlife women born in a certain era there is a lot to unpack there.

We can also do a Read Along! A weekly virtual gathering….more later!

What book would you like to discuss?

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We need to move the book club gathering to Thursday June 25, 10Am, The Colonnade Hotel Roof. Book Fallout by .

Next book let’s do Stranger by Belle Burden!!!

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Are you experiencing the joys or sorrows of elder parents?

I am lucky to have four healthy parents and three generally launched kids. But things change in a dime, don’t they?

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ps I’m in Ireland and plan to do a fun post about the trip!!

I also have been slow on my usual Spring cleaning assault on the house. It’s been so gray and rainy for months (it feels like that, anyway). Now it’s super hot and muggy…do I sound whiny??

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(More) THOUGHTS ON KIDS GRADUATING COLLEGE

Anyone have a kid graduating college this year? Without a job? With a job? I don’t remember people in my generation graduating with jobs. Maybe I am glossing over that memory. I didn’t have a job. I know my friends didn’t either. We all temped and then got low paying jobs as receptionists or secretaries. But, we made enough to afford rent with roommates and the yard-long beers we enjoyed on the weekends.

I am trying to figure out what I am feeling…….

See you below the pay wall for videos, fun ideas and reflections on new college graduates at home. The pay wall is invisible to you if you are part of my Premium-Lady Squad! (non-ladies allowed, too)

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Come To Your Senses

At 45, my life looked perfect on paper, with a career, husband, three children, and a lovely home. But die-hard habits of control and self-sacrifice had left me exhausted, resentful, and trapped in chronic back pain.

Desperate for a change, I took a 10-day Italian language course that called up an adventuresome, fun loving version of myself I had forgotten about. That experience catapulted me onto a twenty-year trust walk of allowing myself to move towards what felt good—what I truly wanted—without having a specific plan or goal. I learned to feel what I was feeling and embrace all of myself, even the parts of myself I had always wanted to get rid of. And gradually, I reinvented my life.

Now at 69, I have my own practice, Come To Your Senses, working with capable, high-achieving women who find themselves stuck in a life that just isn’t working in some way. By tuning into the nervous system, they uncover both the old patterns that are keeping them stuck and new creative possibilities they hadn’t allowed themselves to imagine.

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What is the most surprising part of being in this stage of life?

That I could be living a life I couldn’t have even dreamed of twenty years ago.

That I would be living pain-free after suffering a decade of back pain that doctors said was untreatable. That I would have learned to speak fluent Italian and lived for fifteen years in Italy where earned professional certification as an international wine sommelier in Milan (in Italian) and became recognized as an expert on natural Italian wine through my blog www.uncorkedinitaly.com.

That I would have trained as a teacher of body-centered practices—meditation, yoga, conscious dance (and that included learning to DJ at 60). That I would have certified in Gabor Maté’s somatic approach to healing trauma.

That I would live in Ojai, CA. That I would have three grown children, married and living their best lives, and three grandchildren with one more on the way. That I would have written a memoir and be about to publish it.

That I would have created Come To Your Senses. That I would feel the most alive I’ve ever been and love my life and work more than I ever have.

What’s one new thing you’re trying to embrace in mid-life?

See above. I just keep embracing the next thing. The most recent thing has been starting a Substack.

If you could give yourself a piece of advice 20 years ago, what would it be and why?

You’re on the right track. Everything you’re dreaming is possible. Know that you are loved and supported beyond your wildest imaginings. And whatever you are seeking is also seeking you. Trust what you know to be true for you and allow your life to unfold in unexpected ways.

What’s something that our generation had access to that you’d like to bring back?

Summer reading lists and time to read and read and read.

If the next 20 years of your life had a theme, what would it be and why?

Sharing my experience in ways that allow others to create the life they’ve always dreamed of but didn’t believe they could have. Because witnessing another person do that makes my life meaningful. It is the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever experienced.

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’s web site!

Very FIRST! In person and via zoom….

Book Club Event of ’s book Fallout is public!

June 24, Wednesday, 10Am

The Colonnade Hotel, Boston, 120 Huntington Avenue | phone: (617) 424-7000

The Rooftop Pool, weather permitting or Lucie (Hotel restaurant ground level), if cold and rainy. Parking available.

Eleanor will be beaming in from France via video and taking questions!!!

RSVP via button below

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Marie Kondo called and she wants her book back. She said “You don’t deserve to have a copy of my book in that pig stye you call your house!” I said, “Marie. Marie. You are looking at a pig stye, it’s my garden. My garden is muddy and not looking too good, like a pig stye. But, my home isn’t too bad, it’s just time to Spring Clean and Decrap the House!”

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Marie was silent. Clearly thinking about my house and how to get her book back. Then Martha Stewart called on the other line and said we needed to talk. I said “Marty, I have Marie on the other line and she’s chewing me out about my home and garden. She says she wants her book back.”

There was silence from Martha, well, almost silence. I could hear the purr of one of her Persians and clicking sound of her speed knitting. “It’s “Martha” to you. Conference me in” she said.

So I did.

“Marie.”

“Martha.”

“Yes! Look at us, all on the line together! Marie Kondo and Martha Stewart! You two have a lot in common! Have you met before?”

The two responded in unison “Yes.” Their tone gave me the chills. This might not go well.

“Marie, I hear you want your book back from our friend here. Do you make a habit of harming the neediest? Or, is your ego so huge you can’t stand that this one is a failure that you cannot improve on with your sweet little book? I mean, honestly, Marie. You need to let your hair down once in a while and live among the masses.”

“Me. Let my hair down, Martha? Oh, that’s rich coming from the ice queen craft lady. Are you going to crochet me death? What, are you going to decorative paint a gardener for her? Or, cook her a way to be more organized? Good luck with that! No one can follow your recipes, anyway. They’re awful. Everyone knows that.”

“Marie! You’re such a bitch! You wouldn’t know something ‘good’ if it bit you on your tiny nose! You’d have thrown it in the trash! Your answer to everything by the way…I’ll show you what sparks joy for me!”

“Ladies! Oh no! Let’s not fight! Please! Martha, stop making that gesture. Really! I had no idea you two didn’t get along! You’ve both meant so much to me throughout my life! Martha, I had a subscription to your magazine from the beginning and have kept so many! I bought from your catalog, I used your little recipes that came from the magazine religiously!

Marie! I haven’t known you for as long as Martha, but the impact of your beautiful little book! I bring it out several times a year to encourage me to declutter and consider what is important to me. It’s next to my bed, Marie!

Ladies, you represent the best in modern home making! We all look up to you and all that you’ve accomplished. You’re an inspiration not only as home makers but as business people. Martha, you built an empire! Marie you have created an art form!”

“Please don’t compare me to that jail bird! Is anything ever enough for you, Martha?! You and your collections of things, pets, houses, gardens, crafts! The clutter and the fur! Disgusting.”

“Marie, I’d like to wipe that calm demeanor right off of your face. I’d like to put more than a hair out of place on that pretty little head, Marie. Yes I would. And don’t accuse me of being a jail bird! I didn’t do anything that most guys haven’t done. At least I spent my time teaching people to knit. I feel good about my time in the big house and I lost some weight and dried out, too. Never felt better if I’m honest. But, thanks for mentioning it. Cow.”

I realized I was not going to fix this with kind words. I needed real action fast. I took out my phone and texted an LA number…and soon I had an incoming call. “Ladies! Hold on a min…I have to answer this call”

I clicked over and said, “Please, you’ve got to do something! They’re at each other’s throats and they are starting to threaten each other!” She answered: “Patch me in”

“Gwyneth.” The other two said in unison.

“Oh, you have her number?” I said.

“Duh” they both said in unison again.

Marie said “Well, well, well if it isn’t the bimbo-nepo-baby. Done anything all on your own lately, Gwynnie?” She smirked.

Martha added, “How’s the aging thing, Gwennie? Not looking like a little rose bud these days, are you? Going to talk about your V-JJ for attention, are we? That candle, puleeese. How disgusting.”

Marie says “Too right, Marts. How much attention DO you need woman-child?”

Martha says “Precisely, Mar. Precisely. When you don’t have actual talent….”

Gwyneth replied” Listen you old cows, hang it up already. You two are so out of touch you’re a Blackberry. Who wants to listen to two uptight judgy OCD bores, like you?!”

"Listen, Blythe and Bruce’s child, why don’t you go and find another thing no one needs and sell it? You’re so good at selling yourself…” as she rolled her eyes that ended in a side smile.

“You literally copied what I did, only less well. Way to be original.” Martha noted.

Marie said, “Mart, you are too right. What a faker wanna-be! And I loathe your aesthetic, Gwyneth, it’s so LA lame.”

Martha chirped “Mar Mar, I love your spirit. Who knew! You, my friend, are the bombest of the bombs in home care organization. The discipline you have! It’s a total turn on. I doff my bespoke garden cap to you!”

“Mart, which of your houses are you in? Shall we grab a matcha? I can send my jet for you.”

“Mar Mar, let’s take this to a more private line and plan. Caio, Gwyneth.” And they were gone.

“Well, that was weird. I’m really sorry about that Gwyn. They totally ganged up on you. I didn’t see that coming! So, about my spring cleaning. Any advice? Gwyn? Hello?

“It’s Gwyneth. And, no.” Then silence.

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Thoughts on who is the household GOAT?

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ICYMI

PICKING A LATE JUNE DATE FOR BOOK CLUB!

LOCAL IN BOSTON ON THE ROOF OF THE COLONNADE HOTEL!

FALLOUT by IS THE BOOK!

STAY TUNED!!!

I’m the author of Love Child: A Memoir of Family Lost and Found, a novel, many screenplays and articles, and four books for writers including Creative Writing: The Imaginative Storm Method and Write What You Don’t Know: Imaginative Storm Writer Training. I’m currently working on a book about imaginative intelligence, which is the subject of a TEDx talk I’ gave on March 20 in Asheville, NC—even though I live in Taos, NM.

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What is the most surprising part of being in this stage of life?

That I feel more like myself than I ever did, though I look less like myself (on bad days). I almost answered “Not giving a shit,” but that’s not true. I do give a shit—just not about what I used to give a shit about: viz., other people’s expectations and opinions of me. I care deeply about living my life well, which means a number of things: bringing as much happiness to others as I can by being generous and open; staying vulnerable and not getting stuck in my own judgments; doing what I can to make the world a better place and not churning around over the dreadful things happening in the world that I can’t affect; doing my work so that I leave something of value after I’m gone; and supporting my son as best I can as he makes his way through life.

What’s one new thing you’re trying to embrace in mid-life?

Not feeling sorry for myself when I hurt. On the whole I love being older, but I don’t love the various aches and pains that go with it.

If you could give yourself a piece of advice 20 years ago, what would it be and why?

Twenty years ago I was 41. I had a three-year-old son whom I desperately wanted to make happy, but didn’t seem to be able to. Much of the time it seemed as if he was walking around under a cloud—which I now understand was the result of wonky brain chemistry that goes under the name of social anxiety disorder. As he explained to me recently, he is frequently in a state of fight/flight/freeze, and has to expend energy to overcome that. When he was little, he couldn’t explain it and I couldn’t understand what the matter was.

Could I have tried to talk to him about it back then? Would it have been successful? I don’t know. But I wish I’d tried. If not at age three, then at five or six. I just took it as my failing, and probably my own stress made things worse.

What’s something that our generation had access to that you’d like to bring back?

Bookstores to browse in. They haven’t gone completely, but these days you’re lucky if you’ve got one in your neck of the woods.

Basic manners, like holding the door for a stranger and acknowledging a driver who lets you in.

If the next 20 years of your life had a theme, what would it be and why?

I feel like I finally know what my work is, so now I want to focus on doing it. I’ve written a memoir and a novel and four books for writers, and I hope soon to finish a fifth. But my primary project is a book about imaginative intelligence, that brings together psychology, neuroscience, theory of mind, culture, and—for want of a better word—self-help. I’m fascinated by how the brain works, and I want to help people understand their own selves better.

Would you like to do the Maven5Q? Please do! Click below….

ICYMI

Some blogs you will enjoy!

Stock Fiction

This IS My Beautiful Life

Here I sit…

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A Moment Every Author Deserves 💜✨

It’s the end-ish of the FALLOUT tour with amazing launch events hosted by Kim Druker Stockwell and David Roberts, and I have a full, photographic, funny diary of our excitements, mistakes, learnings, failures, ethical conundrums, poor judgment, and yes…

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Throat strangling, lung collapsing summer humidity. The sweat, the mood, does He want everyone to know what it’s like to be a 55-year-old woman…

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3 months ago · 31 likes · 44 comments · Good Humor by CK Steefel

A friend of mine from NYC sends this out every year and I forward it to loved ones…it really makes me laugh. I hope it makes your day that much more fun!!

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Writing to you from my temporary world headquarters, a bed…in Wisconsin! My youngest is graduating today so it’s official, she’s done with college! It has been a fun family event!

I know a lot of you have kids graduating, too! It’s our age-time of life. The milestones that built up when we were younger (school, job, marriage, kids, school…) slowed down for the past twenty years but now they seem to be ramping up again. Kids graduate, get jobs, get married, have kids, they go to school, etc. Deep breath. I am just going to enjoy today, Annie’s graduation.

What does it mean when your youngest or only graduates?

Actually, I am asking.

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With my youngest graduating college I am happy to move on to the next phase of life. I can’t go back, so I might as well move forward. I am looking forward to the kids getting into things beyond the social aspects of young twenty-somethings. You know what I mean…

But I am scared, too.

We are already experiencing the next phase with our other kids. They can’t be there on demand anymore. They have lives and jobs now. This is new and I am not sure I like it!

But, now I am talking out of both side of my mouth. I say I want them to have lives and jobs, but I am not happy if they cannot be present because of lives and jobs. I’m not being fair, am I? I’m a mother, I never said I had to be fair and reasonable all the time. I’m not. That’s Pel’s job.

I may get even less fair and reasonable as time goes on. Definitely, less reasonable.

Happy Mother’s Day to you and your’s. I have lots to be grateful for.

Do you like the logo? I made it…Let’s read a book. For our first book I am going to name Fallout by Eleanor Anstruther. I did a big post last week when I hosted her book launch in Boston. The poll said late June is when people would like to meet-in person and via zoom. Here is a link to the book! Details to follow!

What books would you like to see on our reading list?

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ICYMI:

Around Substack good reads:

Unfixed

April showers bring May wowzers

It feels almost surreal (and giddy fun) to be sharing news of a second publication just months after my first…

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3 months ago · 20 likes · 7 comments · Kimberly Warner

Into Many Things

07.05 Into My Current Skincare Routine

It has taken me years, and I mean years to finally find a skincare routine that works for me…

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3 months ago · 1 like · camille stockwell

https://provokedmagazine.com

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In-person is magic!

I hosted , and friends ( Substackers, , , attended) at my home in Boston to celebrate her new book, Fallout.

Eleanor did a reading, as you can watch on the video above and these fun Notes clips and Instagram!!, and we were hooked by the story of a fifteen year old girl running away from home to join a women’s peace camp in the early eighties United Kingdom. Fallout, is based on a major moment in the UK, the Greenham Common protest. The all-women (30,000-70,000 of them) peace camp at a nuclear base from 1981-2000 in the UK is practically unknown here in the US. But, not for long.

FIRST BOOK WE WILL READ: FALLOUT

By

Buy Fallout!

Fallout is the book to start our club with, ladies. These are crazy times, and so were the 1980s. We were around the same age as the protagonist, Bridget, is in the book, fifteen, in the early 80s. We can relate to the characters in Fallout now as grown women looking back and as mothers of girls, or as women in protest. The Greenham Commons history is itself a major character in the book and something we women should know about and share with our kids and friends.

About FALLOUT:

“A radical daughter. A closeted father. A prim mother turned protester. One runaway girl sets a family on fire—and lights the way to liberation.

In the bleak winter of 1982, fifteen-year-old Bridget has had enough. Enough of Thatcher’s Britain, enough of being invisible, and enough of her family’s secrets. Armed with little more than a sharp tongue and a fierce sense of justice, she runs away from her suburban life to join the Greenham Common Women’s Peace Camp—one of the most iconic protest movements in British history.

But Bridget’s disappearance doesn’t just blow open her own life. It sends shockwaves through her fractured family: her distant, conservative mother, who’s about to fall headlong into a love affair she never saw coming, and her father—a man with secrets of his own, who’s spent a lifetime hiding in plain sight.

Set at the unlikely intersection of nuclear disarmament and personal awakening, FALLOUT is a fearless, darkly funny exploration of identity, family, and midlife reinvention. With an irreverent bite that evokes Fleabag, the emotional complexity of Bad Sisters, and the political urgency of Milkman.” Simon and Schuster

I adore Eleanor’s writing and was hooked when I read her memoir, A Memoir in 65 Postcards & The Recovery Diaries. She is a lot cooler than you or I and has survived to tell her own story.

When shall we meet? Below is a poll to see about timing. You need to order the book here and read it. We don’t want to wait too long! The actual meeting we can do a Zoom and in person, like the book launch. I’m hoping Eleanor can join in, too!

MEET ME IN THE COMMENTS!

What do you feel about protests? Have you gone to any lately? Are they worth the effort? Why?

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PS: Graduation is coming! Gift Ideas?

PPS: Bebe’s new song!!

PPPs: New Premium “Notes from My Bed” post coming next week!

Get more from Kim Druker Stockwell in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

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Hey everyone! Let’s Welcome Eleanor!

Join me tomorrow evening, Wednesday April 29th, via webcast at 5:45PM and to welcome to Boston and hear her read from her new novel, Fallout!!

Click below and join via webcam to my living room at 5:45!!

Join Eleanor, Alisa and Kim

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I’m a writer and business consultant with a deep love for romance and relationship-driven storytelling across books, film, television, and music. I’ve completed an upmarket romance novel, slated for publication in February 2027 with Empress Editions, and I write You Need to Watch This!, a TV and film recommendation Substack I launched in February 2021.

By day, I draw on years of cross-industry experience in consumer marketing and program management; by night, I analyze and write about the media that shapes how we think about love, connection, and culture. My latest venture is leading a monthly Virtual Romance Book Club for the Ashland Library—an experience I love because each month features a different subgenre, giving readers the freedom to choose their own book while connecting through shared themes. It’s a joyful way to recommend romance and build community across the genre.

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What is the most surprising part of being in this stage of life?

The most surprising part of this stage of life is how little time there seems to be. I never feel as though I have enough of it to do everything I want. My drive hasn’t faded. If anything, it’s more focused now. That impulse has been a throughline in my life. In my twenties, my ambition was high, though often accompanied by a quiet melancholy. What surprises me most is that the need to create is still so strong, even as I hold so many other roles: mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend.

What’s one new thing you’re trying to embrace in mid-life?

One new thing I’m trying to embrace in midlife is slowing down—taking intentional pauses to really listen to myself, and then act. I’ve always moved at a fast pace (I’m a double air sign, Rising and Sun), and as an adult, I’ve overcorrected for the indecisiveness I was labeled with as a child by becoming extremely action-oriented and communicative. There is a lot of mental fatigue and emotional load inherent in all of that. Sometimes, forgetting things is the only way I actually slow down. It forces me to stop and listen more closely. Lately, I love solo drives and going to the theater alone; I get to be with my thoughts, and they’re not nearly as scary as they once were.

If you could give yourself a piece of advice 20 years ago, what would it be and why?

I’d tell myself to save everything I write on hard copies. Every column, every blog post, especially the ones I wrote for online publications in the early aughts. One day, those sites won’t exist, and neither will that Sex and the City–inspired dating column I poured myself into. I’d also say this: start keeping a journal early. Write things down, even when they feel ordinary. One day, you may want to write a memoir, and you’ll wish you had a record of who you were when you didn’t yet know the ending.

What’s something that our generation had access to that you’d like to bring back?

I’d bring back the Sony Sports Walkman. Technically, they still exist, but nothing has ever replicated that feeling. I spent countless hours listening to cassettes and making mixtapes—Steve Winwood, Prince, Whitney Houston, Cher, Peter Cetera, Pet Shop Boys, Erasure. Music felt tactile then, intentional.

True story: I only started to feel comfortable going out in public alone as a kid once I had one. It gave me something to anchor to—my focus on the music instead of the noise, the crowds, the world around me. In that way, it wasn’t just a music player; it was a small kind of freedom.

If the next 20 years of your life had a theme, what would it be and why?

The theme would be Be the teacher. Slowing down has helped me recognize that one of my greatest strengths is helping others. It’s something that feels deeply inherited—my maternal grandmother, whom I never met, was a nurse, and my grandfather was a doctor. Service is in my DNA.

Embracing this role means being comfortable stepping back, guiding rather than leading from the front, and finding purpose in supporting others as they grow. It’s a quieter kind of impact, but one that feels truer than ever. Considering I’ve never gravitated to the spotlight it’s something that feels authentic too.

Links for Beth:

You Need to Watch This!

I find the good stuff for you. So you don't have to.

By Beth Lisogorsky

Beth’s Romance:

Beth's Romance

Romance fiction stories and essays written by "the other Beth" when she's not reviewing TV and Film

By Beth Lisogorsky

March Book Club Sign Up (Omegaverse Theme) https://ashlandmass.assabetinteractive.com/calendar/hybrid-romance-book-club-omegaverse-2/

April Sign Up: (Secret Identity Theme)

https://ashlandmass.assabetinteractive.com/calendar/hybrid-romance-book-club-secret-identity/

INTERESTED IN DOING THE MAVEN5Q?

Drop me a line by clicking the button below and let’s get started!

The Maven5Q is an interesting midlife exercise….everyone has a different point of view they bring to the questions and that is what I find fascinating. You will, too!

Meet me in the comments:

I agree with Beth in that there doesn’t seem to be enough time to get done all that I hope to accomplish. How about you?

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Meanwhile I was looking for a post to repost, see below, and thought this was worth a revisit and an update!

The Patch and HRT

Like this repost says, I was looking at “The Patch” and did eventually try it for a little over a month, but just like The Pill, it didn’t work for me. I asked around and I am not the only one who has had side effects from The Patch. I felt it made me “ragey”, as the Pill did, and bloated, like the Pill did. Who needs that?? So, I went off of it.

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The reason I wanted to go on The Patch was to future proof myself. As in: future proof my hips with estrogen so they don’t hurt, my skin, my hair, my bones, my brain, my bits. These are all areas that suffer without our lovely estrogen. But, all that means nothing if you feel nuts. That isn’t to say there aren’t other answers!

As it turns out, I do not suffer dramatically from current meno-symptoms (quiet in the peanut gallery). And for the symptoms I have I can manage with my doctor. For all of the above symptoms there are all sort of topical creams and the like that can help.

Tests you should be getting over 50 to see how you are doing. Are there others you think we should have? I found this list on the Internet and I like the way Midi explains each test. If you have a better list, please share with me in the comments!

• A1c (Hemoglobin A1c)

• Annual Stool FIT Test

• ApoB (Apolipoprotein B)

• ApoE (Apolipoprotein E)

• BRCA/Comprehensive Cancer Genetic Screening

• C-Reactive Protein (CRP)

• Complete Blood Count (CBC)

• Cervical Screening (Pap Smear)

• Comprehensive Metabolic Panel (CMP)

• Coronary Artery Calcium (CAC) Test

• Cortisol

• DEXA for Bone Health

• Estradiol

• Fasting Insulin

• Ferritin

• FSH

• Full Body MRI

• Galleri Test

• Homocysteine

• Lp(a)

• Neurotrack

• Sex Hormone-Binding Globulin (SHGB) Test

• Testosterone

• Thyroid Panel

• Vitamin D

MEET ME IN THE COMMENTS:

What symptoms have you fixed in your menopause journey? Anything you think we ladies should know about? Links? Meds?

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What is this feeling I have? Is it relief? Grief? Confusion? How about “Need”?

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The need to be needed.

This is a huge part of midlife. Like it or not, we were all in positions to support others whether it was our kids, our parents, our work. Now all of that is shifting or ending. It is a big deal! Don’t think that this sort of change isn’t a seismic shift in how you experience your daily life. The trick is how to manage this time and change because it is a great opportunity.

It is ok to say “I miss their needs and to be needed”. Everybody wants to be needed and you need to figure out a new way to be needed. That’s a lot of needing already.

I’d love to hear from you and how you are coping with finding new ways to be needed.

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A mistake many of us make, is to get overly involved in lots of needy organizations. Anything that is a volunteer position needs your time and whatever money you can give. Be careful how quickly you fill your time with needy organizations. Give yourself some air to see what else you might need for yourself before you sign up. However, do get involved in a needy organization…just not three or four, if you catch my drift. Think before your jump.

GARDENING

Here is a great way to feel needed: gardening. The NYTimes posted the article I share below this week and I was taken with the visual (above) so much I went and ripped out a bunch of old gnarly bushes in my own back garden to make way for something more magical. Isn’t the video inspiring?

And, by the way you don’t have to go hog wild with physical gardening to garden (although gardening is really good for you). You can plant your tree pit, your window boxes, take up Bonsai, or how I city garden, tend containers. You can hire a gardening and work together on a project. I’m not a gardening freak, but I do see how one might fall down the rabbit hole of tending and forming a garden. A garden needs you to be its best. You are the care giver and you see the benefits of your care and attention by its healthy bushiness and flowers.

Perennials, the plants and flowers that die off each Fall and like a phoenix are reborn each Spring, are wonderful for one’s sense of creation (and pocketbook). I have some plants in my deck containers that have come back up for over twenty years! Right now they are out there with their sweet spikes of growth peaking up waiting for the coast to be clear to burst forth from the dirt. It’s sunny today, I expect some real action from them.

I have a pre-covid jasmine tree that against all odds I haven’t killed (I have no idea how old the plant is, but I’m pretty sure it’s was around during covid). We put it out in the Spring about when we notice it has become home to a battalion of tiny ants and we bring it in before the freeze. It is in full bloom right this minute. I don’t really deserve its explosion of love. I water it, sure. But, we go away and the poor thing barely survives. I think I feed her (when I talk about the jasmine bush at home I refer to it as “she”) once a year, but didn’t until I realized it must need something to replenish the soil as the constant watering washes the nutrients away. I repotted her once into a larger container but she really could use a much bigger pot. I have moss covering the top to try to keep her soil moist. It’s unattractive right now.

Above, there she is in full bloom, filling the kitchen with her sweet jasmine perfume. I love her. And, that’s how I see gardening. Need filled, at least in part.

MEET ME IN THE COMMENTS!

how you are coping with finding new ways to be needed? Any pitfalls? Are you newly into gardening? Do tell!

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How to Start a Garden

By Hannah Kofman

April 9, 2026

Everything you need to know to cultivate the green space of your dreams.

https://www.nytimes.com/article/start-garden-tips-advice.html?unlocked_article_code=1.aVA.l7zh.4a5JD1RC-2AL&smid=url-share

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Some holidays are weird without your kids around, if you have them. Kids, that is. Not Holidays. We all have those. Especially when you’re used to having them around. Kids. Is Pel going to set up an egg hunt for me? He would if I asked him to, but even as an only child, I wouldn’t want to do an egg hunt by myself.

Today was a miserably cold and rainy Spring day here in Boston. Miserable. It sort of seems like “what’s the point of it all?” on days like this. It’s Easter, it’s raining and cold, no kids at home. Wait, there is a kid at home. She just flew in from Spring Break (does it ever end?). She enjoyed her Dad’s Easter spread and we all had fun this morning! Then we went for a walk.

You know where I am going with this….a fun family moment goes south for reasons that wouldn’t exist if we parents were not her parents. Meaning, no one can ruin a fun family moment faster than a parent and in particular a mom and a daughter. After she told me that no, she didn’t want to go look at dresses anymore and we were three minutes from the store (was it something I said? Most likely), I walked on alone thinking $^#@$%$&^%$$!!!!!. Then I went see if I could find my own new dress for graduation.

The store was closed.

It’s Easter and I guess I haven’t gone shopping on Easter because everything is closed! Good for them. Anyway. In the end I wandered home and that was that. We had hugs and I made meatballs.

I had a kid-free Passover at my Dad and Step Mom’s this week but that was fun because I had a bunch of adults to talk to and great food. Passover can handle no kids as long as I have my husband, parents and their friends. But, I still feel it’s no fun to not have any kids around for certain Holidays. Pretty obvious I suppose.

I’ll definitely be writing more about this topic.

MEET ME IN THE COMMENTS…

Are you sad not having your kid(s) home for the current holidays? It’s very new to me, so do tell.

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Opening Day!

Meanwhile, only two days ago I had a wonderful outing with my own Dad for Opening Day! Go Sox! They won! Thanks Dad for keeping up this long tradition. It had been cold and cloudy so we were dressed for rainy 40 degree weather, but turned into a very bright, warm day! As you can see the weather is unpredictable.

Last week’s post:

I really loved doing this post…perfect for midlife warriors looking for new cool things to do. Take a peak. if you like it, please click the heart…Girl needs the love.

Happy Easter and Passover!

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Notes From My Bed is a new series for my Premium Squad! Each week or two, maybe three, for sure when I remember, I will do this pithy, elevating, hilarious piece just for you!

This one drags a bit but I write about it below…

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